In psychology, we define motivation as the drive for someone to act. Take a minute to think about what motivates you. Is it love, money, enjoyment, praise? Maybe all of the above and more. We are able to decide how to behave based on why we want to do certain things. This is also true for children.
In today’s Tiny Topics column, we will discuss two specific types of motivation, the outcomes of each and how to help children develop self-motivation.
One type of motivation is called extrinsic motivation, which comes from behaving in a certain way to get a reward or avoid a negative outcome.
Adults often use many extrinsic motivators with children. Think of rewards such as stickers, coin/ticket systems, candy – even praise such as “great job!” or “way to go!” Punishments like spanking, time-outs or taking things away from children are also extrinsic motivators.
While research suggests extrinsic motivation can improve behavior in the short-term, this type of motivation has its disadvantages. Rewards can be ineffective long-term because a child will eventually expect the reward to get bigger and better to continue to motivate them.
Additionally, the child may become less interested in the extrinsic motivator because the behavior is more appealing. Receiving a sticker for staying seated becomes way less alluring than exploring the classroom. It is also common for a child to stop the desired behavior if they stop receiving those rewards.
Punishment as extrinsic motivation is ineffective long-term because it increases fear in children, which reduces the child’s ability to learn from the behavior. That can lead to a damaged and less trusting relationship with children.
Then there is intrinsic motivation, defined as behaving in a certain way because of internal factors – that is, things we feel inside of us – such as our own interests, desires, values, joy or fun. This might include a hobby, like creating art or reading books.
Intrinsic motivation has many positive benefits not observed with extrinsic motivation. Research shows that intrinsic motivation increases dedication and engagement, improves learning and performance, promotes creativity and innovation, as well as enhancing emotional well-being. This type of motivation also has long-lasting effects on behavior.
For these reasons and more, children greatly profit from gaining more intrinsic motivation compared to extrinsic. The good news for parents is that there are several techniques for raising self-motivated children.
Although praise is considered an extrinsic motivator, some praise can actually improve intrinsic motivation under certain circumstances. First, praise should communicate that success is related to effort and under the child’s control rather than purely about ability. An adult saying, “Wow, look at you working so hard!” emphasizes effort rather than “You did it! Great job!” which focuses on the outcome.
Also, parents should avoid social comparisons and instead praise their child’s competence.
Lastly, praise should relay attainable and realistic standards rather than low or unrealistically high standards. When in doubt, adults can always fall back on other statements that are feedback-related, encouraging, or appreciative as opposed to praise, which sounds like, “Great job!” “Way to go!” “You did it!” This differs from recognition feedback, such as “That’s right. Your shirt is red. You knew the correct answer.”
Also, showing appreciation is not the same as praise. Try replacing “Good job!” with “Thank you.” For example, “Thank you so much for cleaning up your toys” or “Thank you for helping your friend. That was a kind thing to do.”
There are a few other ways to help children develop intrinsic motivation. Adults can also allow time and space for children to explore and exercise curiosity. Instead of directing children and hovering over them during play, we can help them find their own interest without forcing something on them. Child-led learning allows children to work on what they seem most interested in at the time while adults support and encourage them.
Adults can support and encourage children by commenting on their efforts, enjoyment and progress without concern for the outcome. For example, “You are working so hard to tie your shoes. Just let me know if you need help, I’ll be right here if you need me.” Or: “You seem to be having a hard time putting your shoes on. But look! You worked so hard and were able to put your socks on. We can keep working and soon you will be able to put your shoes on too!”
Lastly, adults can explain the intrinsic motivators behind specific behaviors and emphasize feelings of pride and accomplishment. For example: “I know brushing your teeth is not always fun, but it is so important that we have clean and healthy teeth.” Or: “I just finished brushing my teeth and I like having fresh breath after I’m done.”
Adults can also boost intrinsic motivation by highlighting moments when the child has succeeded and feels good about it. Instead of saying, “I’m so proud of you for going to the potty on your own! Great job!”, which focuses on the outcome. Try, “You should be so proud of yourself! I bet it feels so good to know that you can go to the bathroom on your own.”
Ideally, our children will grow into teenagers and adults who do not “do the right thing” because they expect some prize or to avoid punishment. As parents, we can raise children to do the right thing when nobody is looking and choose their behavior based on their own and others’ safety.
With intrinsic motivation, children can develop an internal moral compass that they can follow when parents aren’t there to guide them and become self-motivated children – and, eventually, self-motivated adults.