The term “parenting style” gets thrown around causally in different settings and context – but what does it actually mean? What do different parenting styles look like, and how do they impact families?
Today, we will discuss the four major types of parenting styles – permissive, authoritarian, neglectful and authoritative – and the likely outcomes of each.
Each of the four is defined across two dimensions: warmth and boundaries. Warmth refers to the level of affection adults give to children, while boundaries are the expectations that adults put in place. The separate parenting styles are a combination of different levels of each dimension and do not solely apply to parents, but to any adult interacting with or caring for a child whether a parent, guardian, teacher, babysitter, etc.
Permissive adults tend to be very warm and nurturing towards children, however they are lax in setting boundaries, rules and expectations for them.
Let’s apply this definition to an example of a child throwing toys in an inappropriate setting. An adult with this type of parenting style may repeatedly ask a child to stop throwing toys without intervening or stopping the behavior, such as, “Honey, please stop throwing your toys.” “I said stop throwing your toys.” “OK, this is your last chance.”
Specifically, it includes kind communication with boundaries that do not exist or are not reinforced.
Research suggests the permissive parenting style is associated with children who are impulsive, display little self-control, are potentially aggressive and may bully others, as well as being unmotivated compared to other parenting styles.
Authoritarian adults are the opposite of permissive ones in that they tend to lack warmth and nurturing qualities towards children. While they do set boundaries and have high expectations for children, the expectations they typically set can be rigid and extremely high with harsh consequences.
Applying this type of parenting style to the scenario of a child throwing toys, an adult may intervene by saying something along the lines of: “HEY! Stop doing that right now or else!” or “Just do what I say!”
Authoritarian adults are not usually tolerant of mistakes and do not allow children to share in the discussion about their behavior and expectations. Children raised by this type of parenting style can be very timid, overly dependent on others, have low self-esteem, and may be rebellious.
While permissive adults are low in boundaries and authoritarian tend to be low in warmth, our third parenting style – that of neglectful or uninvolved adults – lack both dimensions, meaning they are not usually warm nor do they have expectations for children. They also do not set expectations for their children. They may reject children, be unresponsive and unavailable to their needs.
Neglectful/uninvolved adults are not typically involved in children’s lives, so they may not be concerned when teachers reach out to them to discuss the child’s behavior or academic performance. Past studies have shown that this type of parenting style is also associated with children who have low self-esteem and little confidence, as well as tend to look for others who may serve as a surrogate parent, like their teachers or friends’ parents.
Lastly, authoritative adults are high in warmth by being very nurturing, responsive and supportive. They are also high in boundaries, with clear and appropriate rules and expectations for children. This type of adult responding to a child throwing toys may approach by saying, “Please hold onto your toys. We will have to take a break from them if you throw them again.”
If the child throws a toy again, the adult would step in to remove the toys and say, “You should not have thrown your toys in the house. Let’s talk about how you could make a better choice next time.”
Authoritative adults speak kindly and warmly to children and are more receptive and collaborative when discussing solutions about their behavior and expectations – although there are also consequences that help to maintain boundaries and expectations set by the adult.
Children raised by this type of parenting style are typically friendly, energic, happy, independent and ambitious. Research also shows these children have higher academic achievement, better social skills and healthier relationships with others, as well as higher self-esteem compared to those raised under the other parenting styles.
With the authoritative parenting style being the most ideal form, with the most positive outcomes and benefits for children, it is important for adults to maintain both warmth and boundaries when interacting with children.
Future Tiny Topics columns will dive into more detail about both, so stay tuned!)
Kayli Coleman is an educator with the St. Tammany Health System Parenting Center, which since 1987 has worked to promote confidence and competence in parents, encourage optimal development for their children, and enhance the well-being of local families as a whole. Learn more about the Parenting Center’s programs at StTammany.health/ParentingCenter.